Identity Crisis: Do you like you?

I was puzzled when she told him, ‘Please, I want that mixture…Yes. I want the one that will make me look like a half-caste within 2 weeks’.

She’s beautiful. She’s chocolate like me. Why does she want to look like a half-caste?

He mixed a bunch of products together. She paid him 4,000 for it.

Maybe I should have spoken up. What if she had given me that, ‘mind-your business- you big-mouthed-girl’ kind of look.

I couldn’t talk to her. But I could talk to him.

And he laughed and said, ‘See you, many girls nowadays want to be fair. It is big business. Men like fair girls. They are more attractive. In fact, if you want, we can turn you to Oyibo within one week’.

Is He right? Is she right?

Do  I like myself as I am? Or Should I change the color of my skin to be more attractive?

One day, while at work, Chacha told me about the ‘Human Ken doll’. He’s a guy who’s done a lot of plastic surgery to look like Ken, in the Barbie series.


Why is it hard for us to love ourselves as we are?

Since when did beauty or life become defined by man’s standard?

In today’s podcast, my friend, Chacha and I discussed identity crisis. I hope you enjoy it.

But wait,  a few thoughts.

Do you like you? Do you love you?

A friend shared this write-up with me, and it touched me:

Older boys and men do you remember those days when a woman’s worth was far more than her figure? Do you remember the girl you tripped for just because she was reading a novel at the bus station?  What about that clean girl whose white socks and clean sandals gave you sleepless night? Wait did I mention the one who swept you away just because she challenged you and answered a question. What about that humble and decently dress girl that was the woman of your dreams. Do I have to name the one who refused talking to you because she thought you smoked cigarette? That one made you go crazy. The other one you admired because she always helped her parents at home and was so respectful. The one who wanted to be a doctor. You remember her? Her ambition made you go crazy for her.

What is happening today? Why has the society reduced a woman to nothing but breast and butt? The society has made women so cheap. Guys think all what makes a woman is the shape of her breast and the size of her butt. Unfortunately this has made some of us girls with very low self-esteem to concentrate on our looks more than our being. No doubt we have slay queens with lay heads. For those who can’t afford a surgery, artificial breast and butt gives them fake confidence. The sole aim of most girls now is to be sexy. A girl will do everything possible just to be called sexy. You spend hours learning how to twerk or drop it like it’s hot. Every girl wants to be  a stripper. We all want to buy dresses that show our figures. Even when we want to take a picture, all our poses look sexual. Why have we allowed society to make us sexual objects? You watch a music video clip today, the men are properly dressed and dancing responsibly while the woman is half naked making sexual moves. I refuse to be sexualized. I refuse to be seen as an object of pleasure. As a woman, there is more to us than our figures. Our figures will not and cannot define us. We don’t have to walk half naked to beautiful. All them classy ladies out there it’s time we show the world our worth. Our figure has little or nothing to do with our worth. And for the older boys and men out here, It’s time you teach these boys that there is more to a woman. I refuse to be sexy and I choose to be classy. Please let’s have a rethink its becoming alarming…

God help revive womanhood.



Identity is something I’m passionate about. It’s something that God literally saved me from. It’s one of my heart message to the younger generation. Know who you are. Know whose you are.

For a long time, I didn’t like myself. I didn’t think I was beautiful or enough. I craved acceptance, and wouldn’t mind doing anything to be accepted…till, God stepped me, dragged me by my hair (being a dramatic here. Ha!), and reminded me that I was loved and accepted, and didn’t an additional validation from ‘frail’ humans to feel loved or accepted.

It took a while, but this truth sank in. Eventually.

I am loved and accepted. God’s love for me is massive.

Love yourself….tall or short, fair or dark, skinny or big. There are many shades of beautiful. I am beautiful. Undefined.

When you love yourself, you get to love others. You see others as a blessing, and teachers you can learn from…With love, there’s no competition, unnecessary comparison, jealousy or evil in your heart. With love, you whisper kind and genuine compliments, not hurtful comments.

Love yourself. Love  your skin.

Loving yourself stems from loving God.

When you love God and you know His truth about you, you will see yourself as He sees you.

He made you and called you royalty, beautiful, a masterpiece, wonderful, royalty….I’m sure you know all that (or maybe you don’t)….Now, can it sink deep in your heart…can you believe it? Can you now not live for the validation or applause of others, but live for the audience of ‘ONE’…for the one true God and for yourself.

Believing any other thing apart from what Jehovah God says about you is a lie.

Who told you that you were not enough? Don’t you know, Jesus died for you…You are that important!

Don’t waste your time and existence living in a lie. Believing any thing apart from what Jehovah God says about you is a lie.

“I would rather be what God chose to make me than the most glorious creature that I could think of; for to have been thought about, born in God’s thought, and then made by God, is the dearest, grandest and most precious thing in all thinking.”
? George MacDonald

Some nuggets I learnt from the podcast with my beautiful friend Chacha included:

  1. Know who you are, and love who you are. For me to pass love and grace to others, I have to love and show grace myself first….Love your neighbor, as yourself…As yourself. When you don’t like yourself….you won’t like other people!
  2. Why do we look at others and envy them…and then slash ourselves to look like them.
  3. Does it take you extra grace to compliment others? Do you find it hard to gift love and kindness?
  4. Take a look at yourself. You are made in God’s image…uniquely…The person you envy also have their own challenge.
  5. God made me and called me good. He made and I thought I was wow. And when I look at myself in the mirror and think otherwise—then maybe, I’m calling God a liar…
  6. He made me wonderfully and fearfully. I am His handiwork. His perfect creation. God made me.
  7. Being envious is a total waste of time. It is cancer to the bone. It destroys you. It makes you to not appreciate the little things you have.
  8. Your deformity doesn’t define you. It does not make you less human.
  9. I am not my hair…I am not my eyebrow….I am beyond that.
  10. While beautifying who you are outside, make sure your inner man is being built too. Work on your inner quality.
  11. Do everything…See everything through loving lenses.

Do you like you? Do you love you?

Love & Light 🙂

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